this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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