I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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