We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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