shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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