Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
