I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
