in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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