I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
