So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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