Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
