So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
