my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
