this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
