what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
