your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
