I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
