Kiss
Puke
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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