I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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