so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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