Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
