haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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