never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
