i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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