i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
