haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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