drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
