dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
