His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You ruined the universe
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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