Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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