Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
