You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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