Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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