I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
