No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
