He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
