We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
