nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
