dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
