he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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