just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The Olympian is in my bed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
