Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
