Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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