i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
two words...techno handjob
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
