Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
