My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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