Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
