If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
