My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
