i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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