i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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